You may have heard the phrase expectations are pre-meditated resentments. It's a little like scripting how someone else will behave without them having a copy of the script. How can they possibly know how you are expecting them to react? And why should they know? They don't have a crystal ball! And yet we often expect them to know exactly how we want them to behave.
This topic came up for me recently and I realized that with certain relationships in my life (read spouse, close friends, and family) I often decide ahead of time how things will go down. Now I don't mean I sit and deliberate about it consciously. It's more of an act of my subconscious mind. The subconscious brain automatically fills in the blanks of the rest of the story based on past trauma and events. It is a recipe for disaster!
It feels like I blink and the pattern is set. My husband will come into the house and I will ask him something and he doesn't respond in the way I anticipate. BAM! And then I respond and before I can even finish my sentence I realize that what I am saying is based on an expectation that I didn't even realize I was holding. Do you ever find yourself doing this too?
I am choosing to move forward in a different way. I have decided to start becoming more aware of all of the places where I do this. In this way, I can acknowledge it and change it.
My new game plan is about approaching situations with others with curiosity and reminding myself won't it be interesting to see how they choose to respond. For example, I wonder how __________ (fill in with the applicable person's name) might respond if I speak my truth today? I am feeling the energy around this almost like a game and won't it be so cool to see how it plays out! It seems like this would be way more fun than the old expectation route!
Could this be something that could help you too? Are you interested in exploring and playing with this idea in your world? I'd love to hear your thoughts!